Grief and dreams…

It was William Shakespeare who famously understood the importance of giving words to your grief. He knew that “the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.”  And so I have chosen to speak of my grief. It’s very liberating. The blog has brought me in touch with so many people who are suffering silently. Who choose not to speak about it. It has me thinking. We all deal with grief and mourning in our own way. In my case, sharing it lessens it. By talking about it, I find ways to live with it, and to understand it better.

I feel a little too strongly about everything. I don’t know whether it’s a blessing or an affliction. But that’s how it is. When I look at pictures of mountains, I feel like my heart is breaking into two. I feel as if something is tearing me apart. Yes, that’s how much I love mountains. But I live in a city like Mumbai. A city of traffic noises late in the night, a city of no winters, a city of massive crowds. But this city has a beat, a system. It’s a well-oiled machine that runs India’s financial capital. So here I live, to earn a living. And look at pictures of mountains and want to weep. But I have learned that longing must turn into dreams, which in turn must be put into actions. Is a good salary and a great work place worth a life time of heart-breaking ache filled with longing? Or is it time I found a dream in my longing and started working towards it? Since the time I was a very young child, I have dreamed of having a small house among the hills. I love the silence, I love the peace, the luxury of space and long hours filled with nothing to do.

So as I speak of this pain, I see a dream emerging. When you mourn, you acknowledge what is missing in your life, and what you have lost. Sometimes, it’s possible to bring it into your life. And it’s definitely worth all the dreaming.

Revisiting The Bucket…

Yesterday was good. Pretty good, actually, Took out some linen, some clothes and a few books to give away. Marked the next lot of stuff that can go. Found a place that can benefit from this lot: A Home for the Aged. My closet looks so much lighter, so much more organized. Did an inventory check in the kitchen, and really, there isn’t anything extra there. So yay! I have decided to start posting pictures of the stuff that I am removing. That ways, there is a “before” and “after” element to display, plus you all get a glimpse of all the extra baggage I have been lugging around so far.

From the time I started, I have given away 2-3 suitcases filled with clothes, shoes, and loads of books. And I still have way too many things. Yesterday, a friend indicated that it might not be a very practical idea to fit all your life into two suitcases. I am inclined to agree with her. But what I also know is that it is indeed possible to fit all that you value in less than two suitcases. And that’s what I am aiming for. That’s what my life truly should be. As light, and baggage-free as possible.

So, I am swimming now. Bad swimmer, but mind you, swimmer. And come July, I am going to Leh! Wrote to John’s email address and got no response. So that’s work in progress. And my project is keeping me happy, for the time being.

I haven’t been able to stick to the “budget” project, so need to revive that. And need to kick-start the weight loss. Need suggestions on that. I hope you have made your bucket list. I can’t even begin to tell you how satisfying it is to strike off items from your list. Do yourself this favor. Make you Bucket List this week.