Uncategorized: being childlike Dealing with grief pratishtha shrotriya khan The Big Purge
by Pratishtha Durga
“Because if you couldn’t lose yourself to music, if you couldn’t trace your steps back to where it all started, just following the lyrics of the songs you have loved through the ages, you never lived… And you most definitely, did not Love.”
I live by these words. For me, I have found, in music, the life I have always longed for, that perfect romance, that beautiful ending, stories that followed the graph, triumphs of heroes, and pain that finally heals. In songs, I have found elusive closures, pursued unending horizons and met a girl walk past, who looked a whole lot like the woman that I am could never have been. I also met the woman that girl would have grown up into, look back at me, and she looked just a bit like someone I once knew.
You know those words I once used in an old post, “I am the Universe”? I know they are true, because inside our head, we have an entire Universe. I know I have one inside me. Countless characters live out their tales, legends are born and travel across lyrics penned by others, finding their destiny, making me laugh, cry, making my feet want to dance. Except, for some reason, in the last few months, I seem to have lost my music. I really don’t have a reason. In my world, everything is where it should be. But in my Universe, Planets full of dreams collide, on their course charted by fears, longings and journeys never quite made.
Which is why I need music. Because it completes this tiny, infinite Universe of mine. Whether it’s the languid charm of Damian Rice, or the firm beckoning of Glen Hansard… my real heroes sing, stealing scenes from my own story, penning them down, and playing them out to the world, so one day I will find those words, and know where I need to be, to find that missing chunk from my own story. In music, I find purity of human soul that our real lives miss. In a song alone, one can find that love that will survive togetherness and happy endings. In words fit perfectly my dreams pint sized and gigantic. When I am crying, and someone demands a reason, most of the times, a song can be the answer. Because music, to me, is the perfect language. It is fueled by something yet untapped in all of us.
And yet, I sometimes lose my music, and cannot quite find my songs. But then, it turns out that I had just misplaced it for a while, and my Universe comes alive again. So if you live in my world, and you think you know me, think again. Because to think that you know me, would be like assuming that I know you. I cannot. I’d rather not. There is an entire Universe, right here, inside my head. You know nothing of its existence. If only you could see… But then, you don’t sing, do you?