Uncategorized: dealing with death of a loved one Dealing with grief Lifein2suitcases living alone Pratishtha Durga The Big Purge Challenge
by Pratishtha Durga
I think I once mentioned that grief catches you in the most unexpected places. Like when you are at a Barista, having a Coca Bonga or whatever that thing was called, and you are with a friend and you realize that you are still alone. When there are families around, laughing, celebrating each other’s presence. When the “O Word” hits you in your face. You’ve lost both your parents within 14 months. You have been Orphaned. It’s official. I am broken.
These past few days have been a bit difficult. I know good days will come again. After all, I am less than a month away from the Garage Sale. But every day weighs down on me. I had said that being alone is not the same as being lonely. I cherished being alone. But these days, it’s the loneliness that has been hurting. I was dealing with my mother’s memories, filing them away. And now I have Dad does moments, all want attention in my head. It’s tough. There is no tutorial that can equip you to deal with grief. It’s like shards piercing your heart and there isn’t much you can do, but wait for it to get better. I had hoped against hope that my father will get better. He is dead now.
I came back home today and tried “happy visualization”, an exercise that has always made me happy. Today, it failed. I read, I wrote, I even drew a little. But it all failed. So, it’s past 1 in the night, and I am awake. This writing too is a form of purging for me. It helps me vent my pain. I miss my mother. I miss my dad. I miss a home and a happy, beautiful dog I used to talk to. I miss my illusion of being a happily married woman. I miss naivety. I miss dependence. I miss recklessness. I miss my old self.