That one moment…

Highs and lows. It’s a constant cycle. I was reading the reviews of “Black Swan”, and a lot of people were overwhelmed by the ending. I can, however, relate to that. How many of us live our entire life for that one moment of perfection, where everything fits into its right place and all eyes are on you. You are the star of that evening, you’ve made it. Very few men can truly understand why a wedding is so important to a woman. Why almost all women plan half their lives around the kind of wedding they want and why so many life-long love-hate relationships are formed at a wedding. That’s because for that one day or night, the woman is perfect. She is the bride, who is about to be united with the man with whom she will spend the rest of her life. She looks beautiful, as beautiful as she will ever look, and all eyes are on her.

In today’s world, however, a wedding is not the only place a woman gets to shine. Her moment of perfection can come anytime. For me, my wedding was far from my perfect day. It was for others and the meaning of the rituals had been lost in so many meaningless things that there was no perfection, no beauty left in the day. So I had to look for my moment elsewhere. When I host a dinner, I can feel close to that moment. I work tirelessly taking care of every detail. As my friend Ritika puts it, you will find delightful things in the places you least expect them. Aroma dispensers in the washrooms, flower arrangements in the seating areas, party favors, printed menus, music… I spend days and hours getting everything to fall into place. It’s a performance and my guests are my audience. Their approval is my applause.

Another time I felt close to perfection was last year, on our holiday in Spain. I had lost weight, my best friends were with me on the vacation, the weather was perfect, and we were young and carefree and in love with a new country. I partied with abandon and found new friends within our group. I had a lovely wardrobe put together with care, and money to spend, and places to see. It was bliss.

So it is that for every high, life throws a few lows your way. And I am learning that after every low must come a moment of near perfection. And that helps me brave it out. I know that my final moment is far, far away. I am yet to find my calling. I have dreamed about it since I was a little girl. My little cabin in a faraway land, where I live with the people of the land and am one of them. How and when that moment will come, I don’t know yet. But I hope I won’t live it out only in my dreams. I don’t believe in religion, but I believe in God. I believe that he has a plan for me, even if I don’t see it or comprehend it yet. My trials are giving me strength. I read a line in a Terry Pratchett book. “The hills were in her bones. Now her bones are in the hills.”

Maybe, someday…