Them twins…

Do you know how I fight Despair? Do you know how I evade the feelings of hopelessness that sometimes weigh down my soul, threatening to drown me in sea of angst and pain? I feel it inside me, all the time. True I don’t let it show, but it’s there, within me, waiting to make me its own. I feel this dull ache, and sometimes, I don’t know its cause or root. It’s become so much a part of me that I don’t even feel it anymore. Just like you know you have limbs, but don’t always acknowledge them. I mean, it’s not like you jump up every morning to the realization that you have hands! Or legs! They are there, they were there yesterday, and they will be there tomorrow. Despair is like that to me. We all have it. It’s part of our very being, our essence. If Neil Gaiman is to be believed, Despair and Desire are twins, aren’t they? Desire leads you to Despair.

So, how do I fight Despair? I Desire. I shut my eyes and want with all my might. It’s not important what I want. It’s the intensity of my desire that is significant. When I desire something, I do with the core of me, with every cell in my body. I become Desire, or an embodiment of it. Sometimes, you must lose yourself to save yourself. I can either belong to Desire or to Despair. I make my choice, and move on.